"...and the heathens sheathed their penises in Devil Skins."
For those readers not from the sleazy City of New York, this is the new, government-sanctioned tagline for the official NYC Department of Health condoms...why not just make it GET SOME WET TIGHT WAXED PUSSY? Don't we have enough of a reputation as the God-less liberal Gomorrah of America, Mayor Bloomberg (who is currently and ongoing-ly fornicating out of wedlock)? What's next? Official NYC Condom Umbrellas?!? Condom Gumball machines?!? EvilDoers!
If we're going to be so promiscuous as to hand out free rubbers, then I propose we package them in something like the above (R) paper condom wrapper from the 1930s. It would serve as a stern reminder to idolatrous New Yorkers that every single sperm is sacred (thank you, Monty Python), and maybe then, more local men would think before they shoot.
("Devil Skin" image via—where you can see 20 other paper condom wrappers from the 1930s & 1940s.)