Monday, October 16, 2006

You MUST very closely identify with 1 of these 5 Twats to buy one of our condos.

(click image)
Welcome to The Caledonia, "the first luxury condominiums on the High Line Park", located at the "nexus" of West Chelsea and the Meatpacking District (aka the HellMouth). Don't see yourself in the pic? Probably means you're Poor or Uncool or (loser!) both. Please Turn The Page. You're not our Target Audience. However, if you happen to be the Sugar Daddy/Mommy to one of these five clichés, well, after a rigorous 6-week stint with a personal trainer and thousand buck spa makeover, you may come in and offer us a cash bid. (scanned from this week's Time Out NY)

previously:
1. Corporate Real Estate Stooges Redefine "Shocking"
2. The Unparalleled Hyperbole of NYC Real Estate Advertising.
3. CLEARLY defining your target audience.

27 Comments:

Blogger I am not Star Jones said...

the bible was wrong -- the meek won't be inheriting the earth -- it will be the tools.

10:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you wore those Gucci shit-kickers, you might be able to live there...

10:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is something bothering the guy 2nd from left? Could it be the boxer guy's left hand pinching his ass?

And the 2nd one from right might have just falshed us with his recently waxed chest as well; you can tell he is not wearing anything under that cook-costume-jacket thing. Or maybe I'd like to think so.

this ad is too sexy

11:05 AM  
Blogger Jetpacks said...

The few, the smug, the oh-so-hip. I am not worthy to even walk in the shadows of these people.

No-Tie Art Dealer, Shopping Model Girl and Business Bitch I can see living here, but how are Ethnic Boxer and Biker Chef managing?

11:10 AM  
Blogger Make the logo bigger said...

Can’t decide which one of them needs a smack more. Fuck it. All of 'em then.

11:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ethnic Boxer probably lives with Art Dealer - his rent is cleaning the house naked, and Biker Chef probably lives for free on Business Bitch's dime, snorting coke off her granite counter tops with his jobless Williamsburg friends. Nobody wants to go near Shopping Model Girl. she's way too high maintenance.

12:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope shirtless chef is a fry cook with bacon grease spattering underneath his ascot.

You have to suffer to make it in New York.

2:13 PM  
Blogger Slinky Redfoot said...

Is that Beck in the white?

2:28 PM  
Blogger Make the logo bigger said...

It’s Beck’s older brother. The one mom always liked better.

3:01 PM  
Blogger derekhthecleric said...

Save for boy band member with a boxing glove slung over his shoulder, this looks like a poster for the Third Reich.

3:23 PM  
Anonymous ricpic said...

Walk into the Caledonia sales office with cash in hand and it's instant transformation from unpresentable slob to beautiful person -- gauranteed.

5:15 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

OMG! I saw this ad over the weekend, too and thought the very same thing. Based on that photo you couldn't pay me to live in that place!

5:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's kind sad that, despite the fact that I don't even watch the damn show, I'm gay enough that Art Dealer makes me go, "What's Tim Gunn doing in a condo ad?" and Biker Chef guy makes me go, "Way to butch it up, Austin Scarlett!"

9:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They're all white! I'm surprised they didn't include THE token person of colour in the ad. Weird.

2:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting. In LA they have to put a legal disclaimer on an ad like this saying something like "Image not meant to represent clientelle etc. blah blah". Nice to see NY is just as obnoxious about it's neighborhoods as LA is. Love the boxing gloves so "fisty butch".

1:08 PM  
Blogger hikmahatesyou said...

Not even one twat of color?

1:37 PM  
Blogger Flop said...

Honestly, it warms my heart that on any given Sunday, as I am faced with these ads, there's literally dozens of my fellow New Yorkers even more outraged by the towering vapidity of it all than I am.

God bless you, every one.

2:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am utterly offended that not a single one of these fart-knockers is sporting a mesh trucker cap and camouflage capris. This neighborhood is losing ground.

5:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ahh to live and die in such an upwardly mobile homo hetero skinny white rich nabe. does anybody know what part of lower uptown these people are from so we can send more flying baseball players into their comfy luxury towore to scare them out of downtown...its worked so far...

8:25 PM  
Blogger blench said...

Excellent use of "twat" in your headline. More please.

9:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Go ahead, let the hate out.

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you guys for real? The absolute envy is so obvious in these comments. You can come visit me from my terrace!

2:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

don't worry, Anon. Once the crime rate returns to NYC these silver-spoon twats will be running for New Jersey, desperate for their sterilized lives (right after they part the Hudson waves).

3:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's these kind of people that make me miss the good ol' days. You know, the days not long ago when the Meatpacking District was full of tranny hookers. The MPD is the vanillafied Soho of 2006.

6:13 PM  
Blogger numb in chelsea said...

Are the dudes straight guys playing gay guys like Brokeback Mountain?

8:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually it looks like they might break out into a "Riverdance" at any moment.

2:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, you points about the "lookist" aspects of this ad are dead on, but no doubt true to most ads sadly. The person with the money to buy will be the target of the ad, and that may be a chubby post 40 lady, or any other non-model type of person. Ads showing real people were what benneton's colors magazine was all about. (not ads but the magazine) Let's be creative advertisers and use REAL people! (not that these are not real people)

10:36 AM  

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