Friday, December 30, 2005

"On the 12th Evil day of X-mas..."

(no comment)

via
somethingawful.com

(back Tuesday with advertising-related crap)

Thursday, December 29, 2005

On the 11th Evil day of X-mas..."


Did you ever notice that an X-mas tree stand looks like a Medieval torture device? No? It's just me?

"On the 10th Evil day of X-mas..."

This story comes to us from the evil state of Washington.
Authorites believe the vandals used stolen "three-foot tall plastic candy canes" to destroy several Holiday displays.
The baby Jebus is crying this sad morn.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

"On the 9th Evil day of X-mas..."

Rudolf Hess. Rudolph Giuliani. Eric Robert Rudolph. It's really not such a lovable name that's going "down in history."

"On the 8th Evil day of X-mas..."

There truly is nothing like the JOY that lights on a person's face when he/she receives that PERFECT present...like the Magic Monkey.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

"On the 7th Evil day of X-mas..."

"Hark,
the
Hairy
"Actor"
"Sings"..."

Friday, December 23, 2005

"On the 6th Evil day of X-mas..."


(AP)—Today, Cardinal Bishop Angelo Sodano was excommunicated for assaulting Pope Benedict XVI Joseph Ratzinger yesterday afternoon in St. Peter's Square.
Sodano was tackled and beaten bloody by the Pope’s personal bodyguards after, what a witness described as, “trying to pull Ratzinger’s face off.”
Said Sodano, “I liked the hat. I just thought the mask was a bit too much; I mean, what I thought was a mask.”
Ratzinger sustained a small abrasion on his chin.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

"On the 5th Evil day of X-mas..."

Who wants
to lick
the Spoon?!?

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

On the 4th Evil day of X-mas...

"They...saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus..."

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

"On the 3rd Evil day of X-mas..."

Rudolph the dead-nosed reindeer.

The Headline/Visual Disconnect.

Innocuously sweet seasonal message? Awkwardly meet sexually fucked-up scene.
MATT: (my cock is sooo fucking rigid. And Betty’s mouth is RIGHT THURR.)
BETTY: (Watch that hand Tiger, I mean, “Tigre” and get your dick outta my ear.)
ANNE: (My Tits are bigger, and I’m a fucking Blonde who SWALLOWS!!!)

Sunday, December 18, 2005

"On the 2nd Evil day of X-mas..."


It is said that children are hypersensitive to the presence of Evil Spirits.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Pot? Kettle. Kettle? Pot.

For those of you who read media gossip site Gawker.com, the above is a familiar sight. It’s a business-to-business banner ad on Gawker, a consumer site, advertising the Gawker advertising opportunity. Yes, Gawker is telling their own readers, the readership that makes their editors and businessfolk money, that they are “FOR SALE.” Now, there are two positives to this strategy. One, it’s free premium ad space. Two, many of the people who make ad space purchase decisions also read Gawker. The two negatives? One, despite calling its readers “brilliant”, “skinny”, etc. as the first panel of the above banner says, the END result is that Gawker is calling its readers, straight to their faces, Whores, with Gawker serving as pimp. Two, Gawker is letting us know that they are, in fact, BIGGER Media Whores than everybody and anybody their editors call Media Whores—which is pretty much everybody and anybody. But, is this second point really a negative? I don't think so.
Now excuse me, I’ve got to get back to gently flicking my tongue along the underside of a client’s Nutsack.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

"On the 1st Evil day of X-mas, my true hate gives to you..."

In addition to my unhinged adrants®™©, starting today through Dec. 31st I will be randomly posting the 12 Evil Days of Christmas. Yes I was inspired by this. Day One: The Best Christmas Movie Title Of All Fucking Time.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

More Foote, Cone & Belding personnel moves

Yesterday, as was first reported here, Bob Stealer, the man who created the Planter’s Peanut (right), was promoted to Worldwide Creative Director. Today comes a rash of additional announcements from FCB: Leslie Ann Shirker was named EVP, Account Supervisor; Barry Yessman was hired as Worldwide CEO Steve Blamer’s Executive Assistant; Bill Lackey joined the Creative team as a Junior Copywriter; Suzy Caver was bumped up to Senior Account Exec; Edward Foiston was brought on as EVP, Media Director; and lastly Larry Lickass was elevated to Creative Supervisor.
(Update: OK, you consumers are IDIOTS. No wonder cargo pants were a big seller. A "proactive" lad emailed me yesterday wondering WHY I was posting a boring FCB personnel item. READ THE NAMES, Bozo.)

Monday, December 12, 2005

Sticks & Stones may break his bones...

This is Steve Blamer, Foote, Cone & Belding’s Worldwide CEO. According to today’s Adweek, Parent company Grey and he have settled a lawsuit that concerned some sort of contract breach.
In other FCB news, The ad agency has promoted Bob Stealer to Worldwide Creative Director.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

childish Thursday continues...

Ladies & Gentlemen, Donnie Deutsch's corporate bathroom.

TRUMP SUPER PREMIUM VODKA TAGLINES

Donald J. Trump contacted the copyranter with the assignment of coming up with some distinctive taglines for his new vodka. After he wired me 5 mil, this is the list I emailed him:
TRUMP SUPER PREMIUM VODKA
•He that drinks of my Vodka will have everlasting hair.
•Absolute™ Trump®©.
•Nothing goes better with a Bump than Trump.
•The Best Vodkas Are Tasteless.
(OK, this was very childish, even for me. I blame Santa).

Monday, December 05, 2005

When You Care Enough To Tear This Postcard Out Of A Magazine—Which Depicts A Woman Placing A Postcard In A Mailbox—And Place It In A Mailbox.


The collective JOY felt by all of the recipients of this little piece of Starbucks Cheer (click images for upclose JOY) could light all the Holiday Trees in the world forEVER. I just bet it could.
(images courtesy of the sly Christy Kilgore, aka thekilgore.)

Thursday, December 01, 2005

So close, you can SMELL it.

First it was Tit Cleavage. Now it’s Clit Cleavage (click image for the near upskirt). Poor Dr. LoveDaddy of eharmony, Neil Clark Warren, has probably already tracked down this poor misguided model to tell her real TRUE love can only be found by filling out 4,000 question questionnaires, listening to a 12-CD set about relationships, and paying premium fees.

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